Amor y otras cosas: How to Get Your Ex Back, Is It Worth It?

• Jorge Luis López Velarde shares his experience regarding how to get your ex back.
• First and foremost, you must pay special attention to the first detail on the list.
• It is of utmost importance that, should you need any kind of help, you consult with a professional.

The subject of the ex is something that, for sure, will come up at some point in your life. But, getting back together isn’t always the right way to go.

So, the first tip is to think hard about whether it’s truly worth trying to get your ex back.

López Velarde says this question is key because, sometimes, it’s more important to learn from what’s happened in the past and move on instead of trying to fix a relationship that might not be healthy.

He stresses it’s vital to make sure you’re making this decision for the right reasons, and not just because you’re scared of being lonely or losing someone. With that said, here are some thoughts to guide you through this process.

«The Zero Contact»

The big tip emphasized is the importance of «Zero Contact». This means not talking to your ex for a notable time after the breakup.

López Velarde explains that this no-contact time is vital to let both people heal and figure out what went wrong in the relationship.

He also mentions that keeping in touch right after a breakup can make anxiety worse and is not appealing to your ex.

Before starting «Zero Contact», the advice is to write a «Goodbye Letter». This letter has a few main parts:

What the cut-off letter should contain

What was good. In this part, you should think about and talk about the happy times and good moments you both had together. Use simple words that bring back clear memories.

What actually happened. The following thing to do is to admit to any wrong things you did and say sorry for anything you did that might have led to the ending of the relationship. You need to be clear and make sure not to point fingers at your ex.

Saying goodbye. In the last part of the letter, say OK to your ex’s choice to break up and tell them you hope they are happy in the future. This part should end things clearly, without any chance of confusion.

The goodbye letter is made to make your ex feel things when they read it. They might feel a lot of things, like not believing it, being mad, and finally, maybe being open to talking again.

Grieving and Personal Change

López Velarde emphasizes that getting your ex back is just the first step. The most important thing is to make sure you have worked on the «diseases» of the relationship that led to the breakup.

He identifies twelve possible «diseases» in relationships and suggests taking a test to assess which were present in your previous relationship.

Also, he says that getting your ex back is kind of easy compared to making the relationship healthy again with that person.

He highlights how key it is to keep having therapy and get professional advice to work through big problems and make sure the relationship gets stronger and stays good for a long time.

Considerations on Timing and Process

Lastly, López Velarde highlights that choosing the right time to try to get your ex back is crucial. This means waiting until your ex has moved forward in their grieving process and is open to talking.

He also notes that, typically, this can take 25 to 45 days, but every case is different.

Moreover, he emphasizes that the process of reconciling should not be hurried. It should unfold naturally, and you shouldn’t feel anxious about reaching out to your ex. Being patient and taking your time are crucial in this process.

In this way, Jorge Luis poses the importance of reflecting on what really happened in the relationship to know if it is really fair for both to start the relationship recovery. We hope these tips are helpful to you!»