Amor y otras cosas: Love Without Expectations

José Luis López Velarde delves into the idea of loving without expectations.

He uses a couple of analogies to help understand this, to avoid falling into misconceptions.

You might be embracing a wrong idea of what it means to love this way.

Today we’re going to explore the idea of how to love without expectations. I am José Luis López Velarde, and for over 12 years, I’ve been helping people reach and maintain the romantic relationships of their dreams.

However, I want to start by saying that it’s not always easy to love without expectations. To build a solid bond, it’s natural to have certain expectations.

But what happens when it comes to maintaining that relationship? Loving is a personal choice that can be influenced by the response we get from the outside world or by the personal experience we live through while loving.

A fundamental example of loving without expectations is the love for our children. When you have a little person who depends entirely on you, you love without expecting anything in return.

Choosing to love someone

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It’s an authentic and complete love, where you give everything you have and more for that person. This feeling is the true essence of loving without expectations. You may have experienced something similar with your parents or siblings, or even with your pets.

However, when it comes to romantic relationships, the dynamics are more complex. The difference in depth and need between the love for a child and the love for a partner is significant.

Loving your partner involves a personal choice, and this is where expectations arise.

There are two main approaches to love in relation to expectations.

Loving without expecting anything in return

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One suggests that love depends on how the other responds to the love you give, while the other approach suggests that love depends on your own decision to love and give without expecting anything in return.

If we adopt the second approach, we are capable of loving deeply, without expectations, anyone in the world, all living beings, and everything that exists in the universe.

Our capacity to love does not depend on how others treat us, but on our decision to love and give love unconditionally.

These two perspectives pose a duality in the way we understand love: does it depend on the recipient, or on the personal experience we go through while giving it?

Expectations

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They are two different concepts, and the choice between them can influence the way we build our relationships.

It’s important to recognize that love is a personal decision, and it’s natural that expectations are present in our relationships.

For example, when we have children, we can love them deeply without ceasing to have expectations about how they should behave or develop. The difference lies in how we manage those expectations.

When we are in the early stages of a relationship or in the phase of falling in love, it’s natural that our expectations are more related to our personal needs.

The development of a relationship

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In this stage, it’s common for us to look for a partner who meets certain criteria and expectations, as we are evaluating whether this person can satisfy our emotional and relationship needs.

It’s important to understand that having expectations at this stage is not necessarily bad. You’re trying to identify the person who can be compatible with you and satisfy your needs.

However, as time goes on and the relationship deepens, it is crucial to transcend these conditional expectations.

In a mature and healthy relationship, you can continue to have expectations and make requests to your partner, but these expectations are no longer conditioned by love.

The maturity of the couple

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To love your partner deeply means that your love for them does not depend on whether they meet your expectations or not. You can love your partner even when you disagree or are angry because love is not directly related to expectations.

In a relationship where you have transcended conditional expectations, you can express your needs and requests to your partner in a healthy way, without turning them into demands.

Demands lead to the feeling that the other is obligated to fulfill them, which can generate unnecessary conflicts.

Instead, you can express your needs as requests, recognizing that your partner has the freedom to accept or reject them without affecting the love you feel for them.

Unconditionally

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In summary, loving without expectations does not mean that expectations completely disappear, but that you stop conditioning your love on them.

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s natural to have expectations related to your personal needs, but as the relationship matures, transcending these conditional expectations is essential to building a solid and loving relationship.

Remember that each relationship is unique, and what works for you and your partner may vary. Open communication and mutual understanding are key to finding a balance between expectations and love in your relationship.

Thank you for joining us on Amor y otras cosas. We send you a big hug and look forward to seeing you next week. See you soon!